Image via WikipediaI had a strange and unsettling dream last night in which I did something horrible, and it hurt so many people I care about, including me. I don't wish to go into the details, as it's not something I'm proud that I even dreamed about. I feel guilty, even though I know it was just a dream, and I'd rather keep this to myself.Furthermore, as you will come to understand, it doesn't matter what I did. From God's perspective, the resulting response should always be the same.
After going over the dream in my head all morning long, I realized that I can easily take this as a lesson. In my dream, the person I wronged forgave me quite easily. In fact, she was concerned for me.
It made me wonder if I would be so forgiving of someone else if they did the same thing to me. In fact, this heinous act was committed against me a few years ago, and I can't recall how forgiving I truly was to this person. In fact, I held on to this hurt for many years, and it came close to destroying me.
In my dream, I also recall how unforgiving everyone else was. The person I wronged wanted to talk to me, understand my motives, and try to help me. Her friends and family, however, did not act in this way, called me names, yelled at me, and made me feel very low. Surprisingly, I didn't think that could have been possible, considering how low I already felt.
This reminded me of a current situation in which I have trouble letting go of something someone did to my husband. It was a horrible thing that was done, something that could have ruined his life, but he has forgiven this individual. It's been 10 years, and he's forgiven twice and has resumed a friendship of sorts with this person. Me? I can't let it go. I do not like this person, whom I've never met, and I do not wish to meet them.
In the Lord's Prayer, we ask God to forgive us as we forgive others. "Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us."
I wonder how easily I shall be forgiven by God considering my behavior towards those who have wronged me in some way, from the smallest act to horrible deception or worse.
Lord, Have Mercy!
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While I was reading your post, I was thinking like I was just having this conversation with someone, and I remembered that I did. A couple of months ago I was at vespers sitting with a group of priests (not unusual for me :-) ) and they were discussing dreams. They all agreed that we should not talk about dreams because they are from the devil. They said that he wants us to talk about them. So ever since then, I try not to think about any dreams that I have. But in this case, it is good to think of forgiveness. We must forgive in order to be forgiven. Sometimes it is hard, but we must have a loving heart. God bless and thanks for the post.
I wondered about that, actually. Perhaps I should discuss this with my priest.
Doesn't God work through dreams as well? I mean, an angel warned the magi in a dream to stay away from Harod after visiting the baby Jesus. Wasn't Joseph's vision explaining how Mary came to be with child also a dream?
I'm not saying that my dream was from God. I'm just pointing out that not all dreams are from the evil one.
I wonder if my reading "The Screwtape Letters" had anything to do with it...
Thank you for your comment.
It is hard to forgive; but needed, freeing and will keep us from dying inside. I am learning that it is hard to be a Christian!
We are blessed to have priests who can give us advice!
forgiveness is one of the most difficult things we encounter as christians, I think.
especially when somebody has hurt you deeply. I have a situation myself, and although I do not see the person anymore, it is a daily act to forgive. I don't think it will ever get any easier (like confession), but one does become accustomed to the act. you just do it, regardless of your feelings.
*sigh*
courage sister. it is a great battle we fight.
(fdk has inadvertently posted as me, his wife. sorry. duh.
victoria is the above-mentioned poster, not fdk). :)
Wisdom to know what is of God and what is not...truly a milestone for any of us.
Hmm, maybe the Screwtape Letters had a part in it...possible.
Make the sign of the cross, say the Jesus Prayer and ask for your Guardian Angel to protect your awaken thoughts and sleepy dreams. I know it all sounds like something we would tell our children, yet we all are but children (Thank God!)
My poor prayers, dear sister...
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